.....College.....

College. The topic I hate. The thing I'm afraid for. The subject I don't want to think about--but have to. I absolutely dislike making big decisions, and this is one heck of a big decision. I confuse myself just thinking about it. Here's my dilemma. I applied for ASU, BYU-Provo, BYU-Idaho, and possibly Eastern Arizona College (I think I did the application, but it was really short and easy?). For each and every one of these, I think, "Oh! Maybe that's a sign I should go there!" But obviously I can't go to each of them.

Here's the back story. I have always ALWAYS wanted to stay at home when I go to college. I don't have to pay for room/board, food... so there's my ASU. Then, I considered BYU, because it's not TOO far, but would be really fun. AND, my mom and grandma both went there, so it'd be like a tradition. Then, my dad asked me about BYU-Idaho, which would be super fun too!

ASU--I want to go to ASU because its close. I can stay at home with my new family, and bond with them. I always wanted to stay at home. I could get a good scholarship, along with others I could win. In between all other choices I've wanted to go to, I always came back to ASU. I considered that a sign because I keep going back to it. BUT, ASU is known as a party school, but I won't deal with the dorms, so it won't be that bad.

BYU--My mom and her mom went there. It's a church school, good environment. I will probably get accepted. It'd be super fun! Negatives--marriage young, BIG campus. I am confused about this because I feel like because my mom and grandma went there, I should too. But I'm not sure if I want to. I think of the 3 universities, this is my last choice.

EAC--Me and Bryndee had this plan to go to EAC. It's in Thatcher, which is a really fun small town. The only thing is, it's a 2 year college, so we could only go together for a year, because she's younger than me. But I think it'd be great because it's in a small town, but not too small, and I LOVE it there!

BYU-I--I think BYUI would be more fun than Provo. It's a smaller town, and still BYU, but not so strongly. It's just cold. BUT it has heated sidewalks, and I wouldn't be outside THAT long. AND, it's right by the temple. And, Lexine has some family nearby, so I would get visited sometimes. It's just kinda far, but with a plane, it's not too bad. My sign for this: My dad asked me one day "What about Idaho?" And I just said "HECK NO! Way to far!!" Then, a few days later, BYU came to my school, and an Idaho guy talked a little bit. I realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, and actually pretty fun! Just because I didn't want to, then realized it'd be fun makes me think I should go there!

It's a really hard decision because I don't know the difference between what *I* think and what the Spirit is telling me. After I get accepted to places, I'm going to make a big pro-con list and make my final decision. *sigh* I hate decisions. A lot. But this one I have to make. I just hope it's not very difficult once I actually have to make it. I hope to just KNOW.

I wanted ASU, then BYU, then ASU again, then EAC, then ASU again, then Idaho, then all confused. All since this summer. ;) If you asked me RIGHT NOW what my preference was, I wouldn't even know what to tell you. At one point, I had a preference for all of them, but now, I honestly don't. Just thinking about it makes me want to go crawl in a corner and cry. I don't want to make this decision, I wish it was easy enough to just NOT go to college, but that's not an option. I NEED to go. I just feel so small thinking about it. I need to just get over my fears and think it through. All of it.